A Letter To My Big As I Begin My Search For A Little

Big,

This time last year when I was coming out for recruitment, I cannot even begin to explain how excited I was to start this new chapter in my life. It was almost like I was waiting for that moment for my entire life (because I kinda was if we're being honest). As exciting as I was to accept my bid (for the best sorority ever), I couldn't wait to get my big. 

I knew I wanted you the second we met and we talked about Ed Sheeran... the entire time. I remember going back to my room and practically screaming to my roommates that I was going to be your little. From that moment, you were "BIG" in my phone and I refused to change it. When you asked me to get Dunkin with you, I swear I was more nervous than if it were a guy. No like I rehearsed what I was going to say over and over again and changed my outfit a good ten times. 

When I turned around to you on big/little reveal, I can't even begin to describe how happy I was. Naturally, I went back to my room and cried, happy tears of course (while I was drowning in the hundreds of crafts you made me). You were my own little serendipity and still are to this very day. I cannot thank you enough for all you have done and will continue to do for me. You mean the absolute world to me and you truly are the best big, one of my best friends and future bridesmaids (if that day ever happens). And I refuse to bring up that God-awful "g" word in this so we're going to continue to act like you're not leaving. 

Now that the time has come and I'm starting my "hunt" (I feel weird saying that) for my own little, I can't help but think of how you must have felt when you were looking for me. It's f*cking nerve wracking. But I'm even more thankful that I have you by my side teaching me your ways and always being my biggest fan. Although I'm really looking forward to being called "big," not being the one to sorority squat and showering her with gifts, she will never replace you. 

However, she is undoubtedly going to be the luckiest girl in the world because she has me but she also has you. She has two people that will love her, unconditionally, and will be there for her whether she needs a fam date, a wine night, or just wants to hang out. I cannot wait for her to see exactly why I love you as much as I do. 

I'm writing to let you know that nothing will ever change between us. There aren't enough words to describe how lucky I am to have you especially through my (many) mental breakdowns. Thank you for being nothing less than perfect.. always. I can only hope to have a little that looks up to me the way I look up to you. 

Our tiny fam is growing but I know I'll be a good big because I learned the best from you. 

Ilysm,

Little

Why There's No Such Thing As The "Wrong Time"

It is one of the biggest cliches in all the land, right behind "it's not you, it's me." It is what the world has convinced itself is the right thing to try and get over a person. It is, the unfortunate, "right person, wrong time" epidemic. I'm sure you have been through it or listened to a friend explain the sappy love story that fell right along with it over a bottle of wine. It's crazy, really. All these "right" people all meeting each other at the "wrong" time. No. There is no such thing as the wrong time.

I also used this excuse many, many moons ago. I was a freshman in college, recently out of a relationship, trying to navigate my way through life. I was honestly the epitome of a lost puppy. And then he came, out of nowhere. He was every thing I never knew that I needed and then some. He was perfect, in every sense of the word. I couldn't grasp my head around why he chose me but he did and that, at the time, meant absolutely everything. But for whatever the reason, I wasn't ready and he was gone in an instant. And I was okay with that because I made myself believe that it was just the wrong time and we weren't supposed to meet yet. I went on with my life, as did he, and we never spoke again.

Looking back now, I realize that I fell into yet another cliche our generation created to eliminate all of our feelings and become emotionally unavailable. Why was it the "wrong time?" Truth is, it wasn't the wrong time at all. I was just not ready to be in a relationship again. I had entirely way too much going on in my life and it wouldn't be fair to get romantically involved with another person whom I knew I couldn't give my all to. So why couldn't I just tell him that instead of telling him that he was "such a great person and means so much to me" but it's just "the wrong time, I'm sorry."

Our generation is selfish, conceited at that. There is a fine line between self-love and being so completely absorbed in yourself. Most times, we cross that line. It is more than okay to care about yourself but when we forget about other people, we make excuses to make ourselves look like the good person in the situation. And I was that person.

A relationship requires equal effort from both sides. If I'm giving 100 percent, I expect nothing less than 100 percent from whoever I'm with; it's as simple as that. Unfortunately, with the "right person, wrong time" saying, one person is always giving more because the person falling into the cliche is thinking of every reason as to why it's the wrong time. Usually it's along the lines of wanting to focus more on themselves, their jobs, school, etc. - anything that would deter their focus from another person. Anything that would make sense as to why they cannot be in a healthy and loving relationship.

Humans are so complicated - emotionally complicated - because of this, we make situations harder than they really have to be. Finding the right person should really get you an award because it is hard. But when you do find the right person, you commit to them and only them; you love harder and deeper and more affectionate than ever before. It is the biggest "wow" moment that you will ever have in life. You're in a place where it isn't just you anymore but another human being that you chose to ride alongside you.

When we use the "wrong time" excuse, it is because you are not ready to fully devote yourself to another person. You're not ready to have that plus one in your life. And you're not ready to give up a certain part of your life just yet. Whether you like it or not, you are just unable to love someone as much as they need to be loved. This doesn't make you a bad person whatsoever, it just makes you not ready to be in a relationship.

Using the excuse of it just being the wrong time isn't fair to the other person. If they were really the right person, you would make every effort to show them. As hard as it is to admit, you just aren't the person that you need to be in order to make the relationship work. If you aren't willing to show that person the true meaning of love, you have to let them go.

We need to stop making excuses and start being honest with people. We need to stop throwing around love like it doesn't mean anything. After all, love is really all we have in life.

Losing It All: Dating Edition

Let's take it back to the time before social media, before cell phones and before the "hook-up" culture. Let's think of our favorite romantic comedy and think how hard the guy works to get the girl. And finally, let's think of how much has changed since our parent's time - our grandparent's time. What happened..? When did a heart-eye emoji on an Instagram picture replace actually telling someone you liked them? Why is "sliding into your DM's" how you get the girl now?

As a hopeless romantic - for literally everyone in the world but herself - I am a sucker for all and any Nicholas Sparks movie. But as I sit there and watch them over and over (and over and over again), it's such a sad realization that this generation doesn't believe in love anymore. Love really doesn't exist; or it does until something better comes along. In "The Notebook," Noah wrote Allie a letter every single day for a year and here I am, *patiently* waiting for a text back.

I miss when "swiping right" wasn't actually a thing and people weren't afraid to "catch feelings." When did being "emotionally unavailable" become such a positive attribute for a person? This generation is spiraling out of control and soon, dating will be extinct. But unfortunately, we live in a time where we want instant gratification. Dating takes too long; the process is long and exhausting and people, today, just don't want that so in turn, it's easier to swipe right. Thus Generation-Y created the mythical land of the "hook-up" culture - where feelings don't exist and sex is literally at our fingertips. Great, right? No commitment, no feelings, no awkward pauses when one person has no idea what to say. Absolutely not. Yet we accept it; we welcome it with open arms and think it's okay to live like this. And then we complain that chivalry is dead. It doesn't make sense.

But who is really to blame? Well, ourselves. We created this stigma that having feelings for someone is entirely wrong and shouldn't happen. We created a world where it's easier to just have sex with someone and never talk to them again for that instant gratification we crave. We convince ourselves that we're okay with the world we created and that we are happy with just jumping from hook-up to hook-up. The idea of the hook-up culture captivated us, quickly at that, and we forgot how to date; how to get to know someone without just looking at their pictures on Tinder. We have forgotten how to fall in love with someone.

It's not to late to change back to how it once was; how it is the movies. We have to remind ourselves that it's not a bad thing to have feelings. We have to stop being selfish and start caring more about other people and not just trying to get their clothes off. Delete Tinder and Bumble and actually go out there and start a conversation with someone. Learn what they like, what they don't like, what makes them smile, cry, laugh, mad - ANY thing about them. If you find someone attractive, talk to them instead of silently stalking them from afar or on social media. We have to get back to the idea of intimacy in its true form and remind ourselves that it is not just taking our clothes off for anyone. We have to realize that a like on Instagram or a risky snapchat isn't all there is in getting the girl/guy. And it's possible, I promise.

Going Back to School After Break, As Told By Justin Bieber

This article was published on Elite Daily http://elitedaily.com/life/back-to-school-justin-bieber/1341743/

As winter break is quickly coming to a close (*cue the tears*), college students are trying to get back into the swing of things as the new semester starts. And if you're anything like me, you're really stuck in the middle of being so incredibly done with your hometown but not quite ready to get back to reality. It is the actually the worst place to be stuck if we're being honest. 

So what better way to lay out exactly how we're feeling than to have the almighty (and gorgeous) Justin Bieber say it all for us?

1. Driving back up/down to school:

OMGGGGGG I am SO happy to leave *insert town* and get back to *insert school* and see *insert friends.* 

2. When your parents tell you to not to party all of the time and get your GPA up:

Yes Mom, I solemnly swear that I won't go out every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday night this semester and work on that huge 20-page paper due at the end of the semester.

*Finishes entire semesters' wine supply during syllabus week.*

3. Sitting in your first 8am class when you should be sleeping:

I truly cannot imagine anything better than sitting in my Historiography class (yes, the history of history). I am so happy to be here! 

Oh god, I shouldn't have went out last night... 

4. "You should have read the syllabus to know the assignment due today:"

Yes, you're right. Silly me, I forgot to look at the syllabus - you know, the one you emailed the class at 4:30 in the morning. Like four hours ago, when we were all sleeping, like you should have been, but you're right, my b. 

5. Trying to get through classes, homework and work without crying:

Oh, six papers, a PowerPoint, 400 pages of a book I never even heard of AND 30 hours standing on my feet at work? Count me in! 

Please, no I was kidding! Just let me crawl in a ball and not come out until May.

6. Writing that first paper:

What is the proper APA citation again? I should probably change all the punctuation to size 14 to make this meet the minimum page requirement. 

F*ck it, hopefully the professor takes my generous offering of tears and $40 because this paper is not getting done. 

7. Successfully going to all of your classes the first week back:

I want to thank not only God but Jesus for giving me the sanity and strength to get up these past few days and go to class. It really means more than you'll ever know.

Okay, where is the wine? Like now. 

8. *Call from mom* "Have you been staying in and studying like I told you to?"

Uhh... about that. I actually have been studying SO much that I'm getting my days mixed up. Oh, would you look at that, I have class! Okay bye mom *click.*

9. Actually doing well on that first paper:

I really owe it all to Google, wine and working right up until the last possible minute. Like there is no other reason as to why I got an A but I will take it with open arms. #SOblessed. 

10. That first all-nighter:

Not even ten cups of coffee can fix how extremely tired I am. I'm not even an art major, why did I have to write a ten-page paper comparing and contrasting Japanese and European Art?!

11.Contemplating if you even want that college degree anymore:

I am sure someone would hire me, like I'm really funny AND have such a great personality. I could definitely get something. Actually, you know what, living with my mom for the rest of my life really doesn't sound like a bad idea. 

12. Okay it is time for spring break, like yesterday:

Five weeks, that's only five more Mondays to get through. I can do this.. Yeah, no I can't. I'm clocking out. PCB I'm coming for you. 

May the curve be ever in your favor this semester! 

Why I Didn't Let My Parents Divorce Define Me As A Person

Through sickness and health... better and worse... richer and poorer - well only until you realize you have fallen out of love with the one person who you thought you were going to spend forever with. As something that is no surprise in society anymore, more than half (55% to be exact) of marriages end in a divorce. And that is not a bad thing by any means. People fall in and out of love and that is okay. Some people are just not meant to be together no matter how hard they try and force it.

When a couple gets a divorce, there is a lot to take into consideration. Who keeps the house, who gets what, who gets to keep the big flat screen T.V.; you know the important things. It becomes even harder when that couple has children. Well who do they live with during the week, where are we meeting to drop off/pick them up, who are they spending Christmas Day with this year? It's exhausting - not only on the couple but also on the children.

That being said, it is the children of the divorce that feel it the most. The sad part about this is that not only are they trying to understand the divorce themselves, but society places a certain stigma around the children of divorced parents. People tend to "feel bad" for the children; label them as "spoiled," "misunderstood," and "lost." They throw around the terms "commitment issues," "daddy issues," and "victims" like it won't have any affect on the child.

How does one expect to have a child - whose parents got divorced - grow with confidence, live a vibrant life and really put themselves out there if people are constantly calling them these derogatory terms - especially "victims?" Why are the children being victimized and put at fault for something that was entirely out of their control? The worst part about this is that it makes the child(ren) second guess themselves - a lot - and they feel like they aren't good enough to a point where it affects their entire lives.

My parents got divorced when I was around nine years old. Ten years later and I still do not think their divorce defines me as an individual - whatsoever. Because of their divorce, I have learned lessons in life that are far greater than those of my friends without divorced parents. I have learned about love - the good, bad and ugly, I have learned the importance of family and relationships inside of a family dynamic, and I also leaned more about myself as time passes. Because of their divorce, it enabled me to understand my experiences more clearly and molded me into the person that I am today.

On Love

Because I was young when it happened, I wasn't really looking for love. Well unless you want to count Craig, the guy in my 4th grade class who I swore I was going to marry. Years later as a *hardworking* college student, it still isn't the biggest thing that crosses my mind and that is just a personal choice. For right now, I am so much better off being in love with my dog than a guy.

It is no secret that children of divorced parents are more likely to get a divorce. But no one ever talks about those who didn't follow in their parents footsteps. When it comes to love, I am still trying to figure out what exactly it is. But because of my parents' divorce, I know exactly what it isn't and I know what to avoid. I also learned, rather quickly, what it is that I need, what I deserve, and the tell-tale signs of someone who just isn't good for me.

I have learned how to love more and cherish the relationships that I do have. I have opened my heart up and learned that not everyone will love you, no matter how hard you try. I have learned that "commitment issues" are only a thing if you make them a thing. Just because we come from our parents does not mean that we are going to make the same mistakes as them - learn to love harder, deeper and longer.

On Life

I was told by multiple people that I "may have a hard time in life, you know like being successful." Does this not sound idiotic? Because I am a child of divorced parents, that means I won't be successful? Absolutely not. Why do people think that because a failure of a marriage occurs, the children will be less successful? Can we please look at Justin Bieber, Jennifer Aniston, Justin Timberlake and Selena Gomez?

My parents getting divorced had nothing to do with me achieving my goals as an individual person and I can argue about that until I am blue in the face. However, it did allow me to realize that not everything always goes your way. As pessimistic at this sounds, the bright side of it is knowing that if you really want something, you have to work for it and make it happen by yourself.

On Family

I think my favorite stereotype is that children of divorced parents really don't understand the idea of family because well, theirs is all f*cked up. Families come in all shapes and sizes and that is something so beautiful to grasp. As my brother once put it, "just think of how many Christmas presents we're gonna get!!!" And then this goes off of the "well you're not doing *insert task* right but that's probably just because you were raised two different ways." Ignorance at its finest. To my mom reading this, you did such a fabulous job raising all three of your children and I am so thankful for you.

Coming from a divorced family, that doesn't mean that I love and/or care about my family any less. If anything, I care about them even more. Society needs to realize that the children of divorced parents haven't lost their ability to love and cherish other people. The children of divorced parents are just like any other child but had to deal with a traumatizing life experience - which should never be used against them.

On Myself

Growing up I did have the moments of "well, maybe if my parents were together this wouldn't have happened." But then I learned that living my life clenching onto that excuse wouldn't get me anywhere. I learned to accept the divorce and used that to rise above all of the obstacles in my way. I became a better person and learned exactly what I want and need in life. I want to be in a place where I am so happily independent and rightfully so.

I think the greatest accomplishment of everything I went through during the divorce is that I didn't let it eat me from the inside out. I grew into the person I am today without the emotional restraints I could have if I let the divorce dictate my life.

Coming from a divorced family is difficult - and I am not saying that it is easy by any means. However, society should put a stop to victimizing the children of the divorce; it doesn't help them cope, learn and grow. And to the children of divorced parents reading this: you are more than your parents' failure.