It is one of the biggest cliches in all the land, right behind "it's not you, it's me." It is what the world has convinced itself is the right thing to try and get over a person. It is, the unfortunate, "right person, wrong time" epidemic. I'm sure you have been through it or listened to a friend explain the sappy love story that fell right along with it over a bottle of wine. It's crazy, really. All these "right" people all meeting each other at the "wrong" time. No. There is no such thing as the wrong time.
I also used this excuse many, many moons ago. I was a freshman in college, recently out of a relationship, trying to navigate my way through life. I was honestly the epitome of a lost puppy. And then he came, out of nowhere. He was every thing I never knew that I needed and then some. He was perfect, in every sense of the word. I couldn't grasp my head around why he chose me but he did and that, at the time, meant absolutely everything. But for whatever the reason, I wasn't ready and he was gone in an instant. And I was okay with that because I made myself believe that it was just the wrong time and we weren't supposed to meet yet. I went on with my life, as did he, and we never spoke again.
Looking back now, I realize that I fell into yet another cliche our generation created to eliminate all of our feelings and become emotionally unavailable. Why was it the "wrong time?" Truth is, it wasn't the wrong time at all. I was just not ready to be in a relationship again. I had entirely way too much going on in my life and it wouldn't be fair to get romantically involved with another person whom I knew I couldn't give my all to. So why couldn't I just tell him that instead of telling him that he was "such a great person and means so much to me" but it's just "the wrong time, I'm sorry."
Our generation is selfish, conceited at that. There is a fine line between self-love and being so completely absorbed in yourself. Most times, we cross that line. It is more than okay to care about yourself but when we forget about other people, we make excuses to make ourselves look like the good person in the situation. And I was that person.
A relationship requires equal effort from both sides. If I'm giving 100 percent, I expect nothing less than 100 percent from whoever I'm with; it's as simple as that. Unfortunately, with the "right person, wrong time" saying, one person is always giving more because the person falling into the cliche is thinking of every reason as to why it's the wrong time. Usually it's along the lines of wanting to focus more on themselves, their jobs, school, etc. - anything that would deter their focus from another person. Anything that would make sense as to why they cannot be in a healthy and loving relationship.
Humans are so complicated - emotionally complicated - because of this, we make situations harder than they really have to be. Finding the right person should really get you an award because it is hard. But when you do find the right person, you commit to them and only them; you love harder and deeper and more affectionate than ever before. It is the biggest "wow" moment that you will ever have in life. You're in a place where it isn't just you anymore but another human being that you chose to ride alongside you.
When we use the "wrong time" excuse, it is because you are not ready to fully devote yourself to another person. You're not ready to have that plus one in your life. And you're not ready to give up a certain part of your life just yet. Whether you like it or not, you are just unable to love someone as much as they need to be loved. This doesn't make you a bad person whatsoever, it just makes you not ready to be in a relationship.
Using the excuse of it just being the wrong time isn't fair to the other person. If they were really the right person, you would make every effort to show them. As hard as it is to admit, you just aren't the person that you need to be in order to make the relationship work. If you aren't willing to show that person the true meaning of love, you have to let them go.
We need to stop making excuses and start being honest with people. We need to stop throwing around love like it doesn't mean anything. After all, love is really all we have in life.
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