A Letter To My Big As I Begin My Search For A Little

Big,

This time last year when I was coming out for recruitment, I cannot even begin to explain how excited I was to start this new chapter in my life. It was almost like I was waiting for that moment for my entire life (because I kinda was if we're being honest). As exciting as I was to accept my bid (for the best sorority ever), I couldn't wait to get my big. 

I knew I wanted you the second we met and we talked about Ed Sheeran... the entire time. I remember going back to my room and practically screaming to my roommates that I was going to be your little. From that moment, you were "BIG" in my phone and I refused to change it. When you asked me to get Dunkin with you, I swear I was more nervous than if it were a guy. No like I rehearsed what I was going to say over and over again and changed my outfit a good ten times. 

When I turned around to you on big/little reveal, I can't even begin to describe how happy I was. Naturally, I went back to my room and cried, happy tears of course (while I was drowning in the hundreds of crafts you made me). You were my own little serendipity and still are to this very day. I cannot thank you enough for all you have done and will continue to do for me. You mean the absolute world to me and you truly are the best big, one of my best friends and future bridesmaids (if that day ever happens). And I refuse to bring up that God-awful "g" word in this so we're going to continue to act like you're not leaving. 

Now that the time has come and I'm starting my "hunt" (I feel weird saying that) for my own little, I can't help but think of how you must have felt when you were looking for me. It's f*cking nerve wracking. But I'm even more thankful that I have you by my side teaching me your ways and always being my biggest fan. Although I'm really looking forward to being called "big," not being the one to sorority squat and showering her with gifts, she will never replace you. 

However, she is undoubtedly going to be the luckiest girl in the world because she has me but she also has you. She has two people that will love her, unconditionally, and will be there for her whether she needs a fam date, a wine night, or just wants to hang out. I cannot wait for her to see exactly why I love you as much as I do. 

I'm writing to let you know that nothing will ever change between us. There aren't enough words to describe how lucky I am to have you especially through my (many) mental breakdowns. Thank you for being nothing less than perfect.. always. I can only hope to have a little that looks up to me the way I look up to you. 

Our tiny fam is growing but I know I'll be a good big because I learned the best from you. 

Ilysm,

Little

Why There's No Such Thing As The "Wrong Time"

It is one of the biggest cliches in all the land, right behind "it's not you, it's me." It is what the world has convinced itself is the right thing to try and get over a person. It is, the unfortunate, "right person, wrong time" epidemic. I'm sure you have been through it or listened to a friend explain the sappy love story that fell right along with it over a bottle of wine. It's crazy, really. All these "right" people all meeting each other at the "wrong" time. No. There is no such thing as the wrong time.

I also used this excuse many, many moons ago. I was a freshman in college, recently out of a relationship, trying to navigate my way through life. I was honestly the epitome of a lost puppy. And then he came, out of nowhere. He was every thing I never knew that I needed and then some. He was perfect, in every sense of the word. I couldn't grasp my head around why he chose me but he did and that, at the time, meant absolutely everything. But for whatever the reason, I wasn't ready and he was gone in an instant. And I was okay with that because I made myself believe that it was just the wrong time and we weren't supposed to meet yet. I went on with my life, as did he, and we never spoke again.

Looking back now, I realize that I fell into yet another cliche our generation created to eliminate all of our feelings and become emotionally unavailable. Why was it the "wrong time?" Truth is, it wasn't the wrong time at all. I was just not ready to be in a relationship again. I had entirely way too much going on in my life and it wouldn't be fair to get romantically involved with another person whom I knew I couldn't give my all to. So why couldn't I just tell him that instead of telling him that he was "such a great person and means so much to me" but it's just "the wrong time, I'm sorry."

Our generation is selfish, conceited at that. There is a fine line between self-love and being so completely absorbed in yourself. Most times, we cross that line. It is more than okay to care about yourself but when we forget about other people, we make excuses to make ourselves look like the good person in the situation. And I was that person.

A relationship requires equal effort from both sides. If I'm giving 100 percent, I expect nothing less than 100 percent from whoever I'm with; it's as simple as that. Unfortunately, with the "right person, wrong time" saying, one person is always giving more because the person falling into the cliche is thinking of every reason as to why it's the wrong time. Usually it's along the lines of wanting to focus more on themselves, their jobs, school, etc. - anything that would deter their focus from another person. Anything that would make sense as to why they cannot be in a healthy and loving relationship.

Humans are so complicated - emotionally complicated - because of this, we make situations harder than they really have to be. Finding the right person should really get you an award because it is hard. But when you do find the right person, you commit to them and only them; you love harder and deeper and more affectionate than ever before. It is the biggest "wow" moment that you will ever have in life. You're in a place where it isn't just you anymore but another human being that you chose to ride alongside you.

When we use the "wrong time" excuse, it is because you are not ready to fully devote yourself to another person. You're not ready to have that plus one in your life. And you're not ready to give up a certain part of your life just yet. Whether you like it or not, you are just unable to love someone as much as they need to be loved. This doesn't make you a bad person whatsoever, it just makes you not ready to be in a relationship.

Using the excuse of it just being the wrong time isn't fair to the other person. If they were really the right person, you would make every effort to show them. As hard as it is to admit, you just aren't the person that you need to be in order to make the relationship work. If you aren't willing to show that person the true meaning of love, you have to let them go.

We need to stop making excuses and start being honest with people. We need to stop throwing around love like it doesn't mean anything. After all, love is really all we have in life.

Losing It All: Dating Edition

Let's take it back to the time before social media, before cell phones and before the "hook-up" culture. Let's think of our favorite romantic comedy and think how hard the guy works to get the girl. And finally, let's think of how much has changed since our parent's time - our grandparent's time. What happened..? When did a heart-eye emoji on an Instagram picture replace actually telling someone you liked them? Why is "sliding into your DM's" how you get the girl now?

As a hopeless romantic - for literally everyone in the world but herself - I am a sucker for all and any Nicholas Sparks movie. But as I sit there and watch them over and over (and over and over again), it's such a sad realization that this generation doesn't believe in love anymore. Love really doesn't exist; or it does until something better comes along. In "The Notebook," Noah wrote Allie a letter every single day for a year and here I am, *patiently* waiting for a text back.

I miss when "swiping right" wasn't actually a thing and people weren't afraid to "catch feelings." When did being "emotionally unavailable" become such a positive attribute for a person? This generation is spiraling out of control and soon, dating will be extinct. But unfortunately, we live in a time where we want instant gratification. Dating takes too long; the process is long and exhausting and people, today, just don't want that so in turn, it's easier to swipe right. Thus Generation-Y created the mythical land of the "hook-up" culture - where feelings don't exist and sex is literally at our fingertips. Great, right? No commitment, no feelings, no awkward pauses when one person has no idea what to say. Absolutely not. Yet we accept it; we welcome it with open arms and think it's okay to live like this. And then we complain that chivalry is dead. It doesn't make sense.

But who is really to blame? Well, ourselves. We created this stigma that having feelings for someone is entirely wrong and shouldn't happen. We created a world where it's easier to just have sex with someone and never talk to them again for that instant gratification we crave. We convince ourselves that we're okay with the world we created and that we are happy with just jumping from hook-up to hook-up. The idea of the hook-up culture captivated us, quickly at that, and we forgot how to date; how to get to know someone without just looking at their pictures on Tinder. We have forgotten how to fall in love with someone.

It's not to late to change back to how it once was; how it is the movies. We have to remind ourselves that it's not a bad thing to have feelings. We have to stop being selfish and start caring more about other people and not just trying to get their clothes off. Delete Tinder and Bumble and actually go out there and start a conversation with someone. Learn what they like, what they don't like, what makes them smile, cry, laugh, mad - ANY thing about them. If you find someone attractive, talk to them instead of silently stalking them from afar or on social media. We have to get back to the idea of intimacy in its true form and remind ourselves that it is not just taking our clothes off for anyone. We have to realize that a like on Instagram or a risky snapchat isn't all there is in getting the girl/guy. And it's possible, I promise.