Through sickness and health... better and worse... richer and poorer - well only until you realize you have fallen out of love with the one person who you thought you were going to spend forever with. As something that is no surprise in society anymore, more than half (55% to be exact) of marriages end in a divorce. And that is not a bad thing by any means. People fall in and out of love and that is okay. Some people are just not meant to be together no matter how hard they try and force it.
When a couple gets a divorce, there is a lot to take into consideration. Who keeps the house, who gets what, who gets to keep the big flat screen T.V.; you know the important things. It becomes even harder when that couple has children. Well who do they live with during the week, where are we meeting to drop off/pick them up, who are they spending Christmas Day with this year? It's exhausting - not only on the couple but also on the children.
That being said, it is the children of the divorce that feel it the most. The sad part about this is that not only are they trying to understand the divorce themselves, but society places a certain stigma around the children of divorced parents. People tend to "feel bad" for the children; label them as "spoiled," "misunderstood," and "lost." They throw around the terms "commitment issues," "daddy issues," and "victims" like it won't have any affect on the child.
How does one expect to have a child - whose parents got divorced - grow with confidence, live a vibrant life and really put themselves out there if people are constantly calling them these derogatory terms - especially "victims?" Why are the children being victimized and put at fault for something that was entirely out of their control? The worst part about this is that it makes the child(ren) second guess themselves - a lot - and they feel like they aren't good enough to a point where it affects their entire lives.
My parents got divorced when I was around nine years old. Ten years later and I still do not think their divorce defines me as an individual - whatsoever. Because of their divorce, I have learned lessons in life that are far greater than those of my friends without divorced parents. I have learned about love - the good, bad and ugly, I have learned the importance of family and relationships inside of a family dynamic, and I also leaned more about myself as time passes. Because of their divorce, it enabled me to understand my experiences more clearly and molded me into the person that I am today.
On Love
Because I was young when it happened, I wasn't really looking for love. Well unless you want to count Craig, the guy in my 4th grade class who I swore I was going to marry. Years later as a *hardworking* college student, it still isn't the biggest thing that crosses my mind and that is just a personal choice. For right now, I am so much better off being in love with my dog than a guy.
It is no secret that children of divorced parents are more likely to get a divorce. But no one ever talks about those who didn't follow in their parents footsteps. When it comes to love, I am still trying to figure out what exactly it is. But because of my parents' divorce, I know exactly what it isn't and I know what to avoid. I also learned, rather quickly, what it is that I need, what I deserve, and the tell-tale signs of someone who just isn't good for me.
I have learned how to love more and cherish the relationships that I do have. I have opened my heart up and learned that not everyone will love you, no matter how hard you try. I have learned that "commitment issues" are only a thing if you make them a thing. Just because we come from our parents does not mean that we are going to make the same mistakes as them - learn to love harder, deeper and longer.
On Life
I was told by multiple people that I "may have a hard time in life, you know like being successful." Does this not sound idiotic? Because I am a child of divorced parents, that means I won't be successful? Absolutely not. Why do people think that because a failure of a marriage occurs, the children will be less successful? Can we please look at Justin Bieber, Jennifer Aniston, Justin Timberlake and Selena Gomez?
My parents getting divorced had nothing to do with me achieving my goals as an individual person and I can argue about that until I am blue in the face. However, it did allow me to realize that not everything always goes your way. As pessimistic at this sounds, the bright side of it is knowing that if you really want something, you have to work for it and make it happen by yourself.
On Family
I think my favorite stereotype is that children of divorced parents really don't understand the idea of family because well, theirs is all f*cked up. Families come in all shapes and sizes and that is something so beautiful to grasp. As my brother once put it, "just think of how many Christmas presents we're gonna get!!!" And then this goes off of the "well you're not doing *insert task* right but that's probably just because you were raised two different ways." Ignorance at its finest. To my mom reading this, you did such a fabulous job raising all three of your children and I am so thankful for you.
Coming from a divorced family, that doesn't mean that I love and/or care about my family any less. If anything, I care about them even more. Society needs to realize that the children of divorced parents haven't lost their ability to love and cherish other people. The children of divorced parents are just like any other child but had to deal with a traumatizing life experience - which should never be used against them.
On Myself
Growing up I did have the moments of "well, maybe if my parents were together this wouldn't have happened." But then I learned that living my life clenching onto that excuse wouldn't get me anywhere. I learned to accept the divorce and used that to rise above all of the obstacles in my way. I became a better person and learned exactly what I want and need in life. I want to be in a place where I am so happily independent and rightfully so.
I think the greatest accomplishment of everything I went through during the divorce is that I didn't let it eat me from the inside out. I grew into the person I am today without the emotional restraints I could have if I let the divorce dictate my life.
Coming from a divorced family is difficult - and I am not saying that it is easy by any means. However, society should put a stop to victimizing the children of the divorce; it doesn't help them cope, learn and grow. And to the children of divorced parents reading this: you are more than your parents' failure.
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