It was the best of times, it was the worst of times and oh my was it the worst of times. I had experienced my own rock bottom at such a wrong time. It was the beginning of my sophomore year in college - a time where I am supposed to be surrounded by good vibes and good people to create good memories. Instead, I was trapped in a vicious cycle of wanting to be better but not knowing how to get there. It was toxic and manipulative and confusing. Aside from this, I felt like I was beginning to lose sight of myself entirely. I never knew what "rock bottom" was. I guess I knew that everyone had their own personal idea of it but I never imagined mine because I never thought that I would reach it. But here is the beauty of rock bottom; it can have multiple lessons. As I started to focus on myself more and fix what I needed to, everything suddenly became more clear. I became happier and overall, just a more positive person.
1. Remove the negative parts of your life.
As I was driving home listening to "The Best of John Mayer" and crying more than I ever cried before, I realized that this cannot be it. There is so much more to life that I wasn't seeing clearly. I was so blinded by the bad that I neglected to see the good. I made a list of everything that made me unhappy, sad, or frustrated me (the list was longer than I anticipated) and I decided to rid myself of everything that was on that list, people included. I then created the list of everything that made me happy, again a pretty lengthy list, and it was in that moment that I decided to focus more on what made me happy and not pay attention to my "shit list."
2. Appreciate the good in your life more.
After I had, what I'd like to believe is the biggest mental breakdown ever, I saw who was there for me and what was there for me. I saw who I ran to when I just needed someone. I saw what I turned to when it was 2am and I couldn't sleep. I realized what made me the happiest and it was like a light that I never wanted to turn off. It was because of these people and different outlets that lifted me from the notorious rock bottom.
3. Self-Love is so important.
Something that is so new to me and I wish I learned this from an early age. Self-love is by far the most beautiful gift that you can ever give yourself. If you can't love yourself, how will you allow others to love you? You need to see your worth, as everyone is so valuable. This took me awhile to grasp. I was always the first one to tell others to love themselves and not to be so hard on themselves but I never took my own advice. Once I began to see just exactly what I had to offer, I instantly became happy. Now I still have a lot to work on but I'm getting there.
4. Stop getting everyone's approval.
My biggest thing pre-rock bottom was making sure everyone around me was happy before I was. This will only make you unhappy. Sure it is such a nice feeling to see that the ones you love most are happy but you also have to remember yourself. I forgot myself for a very long time. After my rock bottom, I didn't allow myself to seek others approval and I didn't care what people thought of me. And this was a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I do not think I ever felt so liberated before. You do not need to please people to feel worthy.
5. You can only go up from here.
As the great Justin Bieber once said, "there is nowhere but up from here, my dear." Rock bottom isn't fun, not that it should be, but it is also a place that one shouldn't stay. It's probably even more toxic than whatever it was that got you there. As I was sitting in my car, listening to John Mayer and making my lists, I knew I didn't want to ever feel like this again. I created goals for myself, I treated myself more often and I promised myself that I would let go of whatever it was that would only make me unhappy. It is a great feeling - to not worry about the wrong things in life.
I cannot remember the last time that I felt more positive and motivated. I was on the entirely wrong path but I changed ways and I am exactly where I am supposed to be and I couldn't be happier. Rock bottom was a beautiful start.
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